You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
