I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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