This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
