Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
