in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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