I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
