I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
