We're facebook friends in real life
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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