Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The uberlube is also flammable
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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