She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
