pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The power of my boobs compel you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
