I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
