I'm going to jail i love you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
