I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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