I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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