never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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