and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
