Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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