please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
