She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
