watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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