o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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