Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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