Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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