you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
