yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
