Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
