therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
