I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize