Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I forget how to act sober
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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