I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
