So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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