She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
