he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize