i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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