How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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