Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
