had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
