I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
