saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
