The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
