I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
