Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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