I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
