Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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