Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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