woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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