I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
