I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
