we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
