she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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