know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
