Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
