Say something about gay babies.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this will be a night to untag.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
