Do you still have your period?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
