He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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