One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
