I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
