my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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