they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
