Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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