This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
