just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
