Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
