I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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