if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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