apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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