i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
