I want to walk on stilts...naked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
