How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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