I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
