Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
