do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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