Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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