i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
