i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
