apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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