i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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