End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
