he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
