I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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