i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
